Well, howdy there! Did ya miss me? I have missed you. In fact, I've found myself looking back at old entries quite a bit over the last month or so. I decided if I was going to look back, I might as well also start looking forward and start blogging again, especially with everything that's been swirling in my brain lately.
Most notably, have you ever felt like God gives you a "word"? Something that He spends days, weeks, or months teaching you and drilling into your head? Something meant just for you?
The word of the day today was "identity." It all started when I opened my devotional book to today's scripture - Mark 8:27-30.
The most important part, at least to me? Verse 29: He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?”
The hubby and I have been talking a lot about children again, specifically, trying again. We went to see a fertility specialist in the city, and she ran all the old tests again. This time, though, nothing came up as off or abnormal. Nothing. On either of our parts. Which tell me, if it's not happening, there's only one reason: God is closing my womb for a reason. And I really don't know what to feel about that. I don't know if I feel angry (sometimes), hurt (sometimes), disillusioned (often), or simply lost (also often).
"But who do you say that I am?”
My cousin is having a baby shower this Friday, and I can't skip it. Obviously, she's my cousin, but we're also very close. She has wanted children as long as I can remember. She suffered through a failed marriage, some health issues, and now her current husband's health is precarious; but she was able to conceive and carry a child. Even knowing everything she's been through, I still find myself jealous - jealous that her insurance covers IVF, jealous that she will have a little boy in just a few short months, even jealous of her morning sickness. Don't get me wrong: I am overjoyed that she is pregnant. Like I said, she has ALWAYS wanted a child. But part of me is a little green, nonetheless.
"But who do you say that I am?”
I say that my God is all-powerful. He created worlds and separated dry land from seas. He is also full of wrath. He wiped the face of the earth with floodwaters; He stormed through the temple with anger; He condemns men to burn forever in the lake of fire. He is also holy. He cannot abide sin. He does not allow mistakes or bad judgement in His presence. He demands perfection.
But you know what? I also say that my God is a God of love. He created the perfect partner to man - from man - simply so that he wouldn't be alone. He rescued His people time and again from slavery. He blessed the tender hearts of a queen who would stand up to her husband on behalf of her people and a widow who had no way to provide for herself or her mother-in-law. He is also merciful. How easy would it have been to wipe out two human beings and just start over? Instead he butchered an animal to cover their sins and allowed them live. My God is also a giving God. He provides whatever we need, even sending His own Son to die horribly to preserve the opportunity for us to spend our eternal lives with Him. Finally, my God is a God with a plan. He always works His plan out in His people - maybe not in their time or to their liking - but it always happens. He is in control. I am no exception to that rule, and for that, I am thankful.
