Wouldn't it be nice if life came with a "money-back guarantee"? For instance, every Christmas would have snow. Spring would actually start on the equinox (instead of more snow.....). If you follow the "rules" of conception and try the right days every month, you WILL get pregnant.......Oh, wait, there are no guarantees.
Yesterday I started my first round of Clomid with the goal of our first try at intrauterine insemination (IUI) next week - provided the stick tells me I am ovulating. I want a guarantee. I want to know that this month - or sometime in the next 6 months - IUI will work. I want the doctor to tell me I will have a little bundle of joy as a result of the mood swings and/or weight gain that comes with Clomid. Unfortunately, the only guarantee that exists is that there is only a ~20 % chance it will work. One in five. Isn't that fun? From my point of view, it really isn't. It's kind of disheartening. Despite the chances, I know I will get my hopes up. Despite my best efforts, I will hope and dream and pray that my period does not come.
Ah, wait, what was that? Prayer. It is so easy to forget that there are some guarantees in life. I know my God hears me and that He has a plan for me. I know that if I am diligent, I will find myself smack-dab in the middle of that plan. How do I know? Because His Word tells me so:
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ~ Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NIV)
And how fitting that my devotions yesterday included these verses:
7 If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will[a] ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. 8 By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples. ~ John 15:7-8 (NKJV)
So, today, I will rest in the guarantees that I have. I will rest in the guarantee that God is in control. If I seek Him with my whole heart, I will find him. If I abide - that is, if I persevere, withstand, and remain in relationship (dictionary.com) - in Christ, my Father will be glorified. If I am in His call and in His will, I have a guarantee that the best will come. And isn't that the best guarantee there is?
I remember during our infertility, our pastor spoke on trusting God in the mysteries of life. It went straight to the core of me, and I wanted to run out of the church screaming. I wanted that guarantee that I would have a child. I really wrestled and struggled because I had this crazy idea that since I was God's kid, he would protect me from suffering. There are fruits of infertility that you will discover along the way.
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