Seeking the Giver, not the gift

So this morning brought with it disappointment.  Upon reading the words “Not Pregnant” on the stick, I didn't fall apart.  I wasn't destroyed.  I cried, and my heart hurt; but I was not broken.  I can only thank God for that bit of grace.  My wonderful husband then took my sniffly bum to McDonald’s for breakfast before work.  His hug was like balm on my wounded heart.

And I got to thinking.  I love my husband dearly.  Has he always given me everything I have ever wanted?  No.  Not a chance!  But I still love him.  And you know why?  Because I love HIM, not the gifts he gives me.  I think you know where I’m headed with this.  God is the ultimate Prize.  He is worth all my worship, all my desire.  It is not His gifts that make me love Him.  It is simply His character, His identity.  Even when I am disappointed, I still need to seek the Giver, not His gifts.

This is a season of growth for me.  I feel like the Bible is brand new.  My morning time with my Savior is brand new.  He never fails to show up lately.  I don’t understand what He’s doing all the time – ok, ever – but He’s there.  I know He’s the same yesterday and forever.  I know He’s all powerful, and He can and does do everything within His will.  It’s hard to swallow, but I know that power just does not extend to me having a baby – at least not at this time.  There are things I can control, and there are things I cannot.  No matter what, though, my God is in control.  And I wouldn't want it any other way.  So, for now, I will just continue to seek the Giver.