Cruel and Unusual Punishment

Here I am, at the end of me
Trying to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to Your promise
There will be a dawn 

Today was a horrible day.  First off, I woke up to the realization, that yes, TOM had made an appearance.......with a vengeance.  Horrible cramps, three tampons in three hours (hmmm, tmi?), and my best friend was motrin...  And that's all BEFORE work this morning.  The best part of the day was still to come.

I got to work to find that our unit only had one patient; the med-surg floor only had eighteen; and the ER only had one.  So guess where I got floated to?  Obstetrics.  Talk about salt in the wound.  I was stuck around babies all morning.  And if that wasn't enough?  One of the babies was a four-pounder.  Why, you ask?  Because her mother couldn't stop thinking of herself long enough to get off the oxycodone for the child  growing inside her.  This mother had already lost custody of her first child and now had lost custody of this little precious girl - her second.  And she was precious.  And beautiful.  I have to admit, I was - and still am - terribly upset by the whole situation.  How many times can a person cry in a twelve-hour shift?  Several, as I've found out.  It's not fair.  There are so many things not fair about the whole situation.  What in the world is God trying to prove?  Why give that mother another child and not give another potential mother a chance?  And why, oh, why did I have to be in OB today?  Wouldn't it have been easier to just cut out my heart with a scalpel?  Seriously?

And if that situation was not enough, I had to assist with a newborn immediately after delivery.  If I wouldn't have felt so cowardly, I would have gone home sick at that point.  My heart is still breaking.  And now I have to face my bed and the dreams that it holds.

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Ok, God, I'm broken now.  Please put me back together.  Please bring Your beauty and Your healing.

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Maroon lyrics taken from Beauty From Pain by Superchick