We left off yesterday with a girl’s dreams (mine) in tatters. She had found and subsequently lost love and lost faith in love. Her world had been irrevocably altered. Her three dreams had changed as well. While she still wanted to change the world for the better, she no longer longed for the intimacy of marriage. She no longer desired the presence of children. The male species became simply a source of companionship. She would go out every weekend with a different guy but only so that she would not have to be alone on a Saturday night.
After several months, the loneliness became overwhelming. Deciding to take another chance at a relationship, our girl placed a personal “ad” on yahoo’s website. Her stipulations for her next male counterpart? This guy would be nothing that her “prince” was and everything that he wasn’t. Much to her detriment, our protagonist found such a man. He was sweet and romantic. He bought her roses every week and packed a lunch for her every morning. He professed undying love and devotion. He made our girl feel loved, valued, and wanted. She did not love him, but that did not matter. He was a pathological liar, but that did not matter. He was a thief, but that did not matter. She was wanted, and that’s all that mattered. She used him, plain and simple. She used him to make her feel beautiful and special. He gave her a ring, and despite her shame at leading him on, she took it. She never had any intention of marriage, but she traded her empty promises for his tokens of affection. Unfortunately, her empty promises were not all she traded. She gave everything she had left, but she had convinced herself that nothing mattered anymore. After all, what was the physical worth when pieces of her heart were still scattered and lost to the wind? She had poured every last piece of herself into the previous relationship; so what if she now gave up her “illusions” of physical purity? Nothing that she had left to give was worth anything anymore, so she gave it away to an insignificant man.
After six months with this man, she finally had enough. She broke it off, and though he was chasing another girl, he continued to profess unending devotion. Almost as if waking from a dream, this girl’s life went back to the way it was before. Her grades – which had taken a hit when she was with this other man – improved. She felt no remorse at the break-up. She did not miss him at all. One day she was with him, and the next she wasn’t. She was preparing for college. In fact, she was headed to her first choice on a scholarship. Life was better – for a time.
Unfortunately, approximately a month after the separation, the consequences of our girl’s actions came calling. She was seventeen years old……and pregnant. Pregnant with the child of a thief and a liar. Pregnant with the grandchild of drug addicts. Pregnant and preparing to attend a small Christian college in the Bible belt. Again, it felt as if her life were ending……
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